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survival never goes out of style. [entries|friends|calendar]

do you remember those falling stars we used to wish upon?
each one breathed a promise of a new tomorrow
crushed beneath the weight of the world.
you taught me the futility of hope.
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back to boring. [05 Nov 2007|09:03pm]
4 empty dreams towish me away.

you're just somebody that i used to know. [29 Mar 2007|02:59am]
maybe it's the bell sleeved baby blue shirt i wore when my hair was long and not quite this blonde and i was the queen of an arcade not too far away or the way you wore that soft shirt on my sixteenth birthday and i held you until you told me you had to leave. but it's a love of the past and not the present.
1 empty dream towish me away.

[25 Mar 2007|01:28pm]
"this isn't how i pictured it"
wish me away.

[05 Mar 2007|07:19pm]
in the words of miles dewitt vandewater livejournal is a cheap whore but sometimes we all have needs.

i just ordered papa.

1. Can you cook?
if by cook you mean make a grilled cheese, a tuna melt or cupcakes, then quite well.

2. What was your dream growing up?
i wanted to open a restaurant, where i cooked and played piano and sang called oh lala sami's.

3. What talent do you wish you had?
i wish i could draw intricately and well and write metered poetry.

4. Favorite place?
bridges, tunnels, abandoned buildings, forests

5. Favorite vegetable?
avocadooooo, tomato (fruit, fine, whatev.), potato

6. What was the last book you read?
moments of reprieve, elizabeth bishop the collected prose, a serious proposal to the ladies

7. What zodiac sign are u ?
sagittarius, word

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?
my life is composed mostly of bad habits.

10. Do you know the friends on your myspace list outside of myspace?
i'm pretty sure all of them.

11. What is your favorite sport?
arm wrestling, trapeze, couch surfing

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
my idols at 16 were mersault and diogones.

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
this has happened. i didn't have much of anything to do, no cell phone or anything with me but it was only for a few minutes. then i plummeted to the 7th floor and thought i was going to die. alone. in an elevator. a virgin. but nothing happened.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
i hate reality televison.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
i have a lip tattoo of the word banal that has since faded to bana that i never show anyone. at age 5, i used to imagine i was a nun. at age 7, i wanted to have 7 children and name them after the beatitudes. at age 11, i declared myself an atheist. the first time i got drunk i drank 18 shots of goldschalger and a bud. i named my first (and only) car shaniqua and got into my first accident in it 4 days after i got my license.

16. Do have any pets?

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?
i believe so.

18. What time is it where u are now?
7:35 pm

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
oh god. i think clowns are mostly sad for some reason and sometimes super scary. and i was really creeped out particularly by one at a haunted house one year and he totally knew it and followed me around and kept getting in my face and touching me and messing with me and i couldn't find the way out and and and it was terrible.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
i'd go back to my weight circa may 05.

21. Would you be a crime partner or someones conscience?
depends on the crime.

22. What color eyes do you have?

23. Ever been arrested?
yes, but always for really funny, assinine things. most notably was obstructing traffic and justifying it by saying we were protesting obesity

24. Bottle or Draft?

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
get my carnival sleeve, spain, clothes, iphoneeee (?), possibly a black macbook instead of my white one, jd

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
i don't chew gum often, but orbit

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
always sweet ups, royal oak, east river

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
long rides, good drinks, good books, good movies, parks, beaches, abandoned places, sleep

30. Do you swear a lot?
as of late, yes

31. Biggest pet peeve?
slow walkers, long waits, patronizing people, people who don't wash their hands, when i can't wash my hands

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
wish me away.

there are angels in your angles... [29 Sep 2006|12:45am]
and the song's on repeat...
wish me away.

bored at work. [12 Sep 2006|12:59pm]
i am going to take this time and space in order to express the fact that all of the boys i know who used to be relatively attractive now look relatively homeless.

okay, i get it. you're manly, grizzly, dangerous. you have better things to do than shave. you are post-pubescent. congratulations. don't get me wrong, some of you can pull the beards off, lest they get out of hand. however, most of you look like you've crawled out from under a park bench.

this effect is worse combined with...

long, straggly hair
okay, so hardcore is done and in the post-post generation, men don't care about their coiffed haircuts. long, unwashed hair is far from attractive. you looked better three years ago.

the same goes for...

irony in dress
save it for your taste in music, your tattoos, and your literary theory.

lack/neglect of hygiene
i used to complain about the fact that boys were wearing the same jeans as me (and sometimes pulling them off better than i could, *sigh*) and spending a bit too much time on their hair...(okay, i not-so-secretly lusted after them as well, but i did complain)... it's nice to see some "real men" in our midsts but please, by all means shower. unless you really are homeless or a squatter this isn't okay. not using deodorant does not make you more european.

the list goes on, but well, i have more important things to do.

at least straight edge is over.
2 empty dreams towish me away.

[17 Jul 2006|04:41pm]
myMariannePaul (2:49:10 PM): Missy, I want you to start hanging out around the NYU dental school. Just sit there and smile.......
milamoon (2:49:30 PM): noooo
MariannePaul (2:49:42 PM): yes................
milamoon (2:49:45 PM): never
MariannePaul (2:50:14 PM): i don't understand. you don't want to be a dentist AND you refuse to date one......what's up with that??
milamoon (2:50:23 PM): teeth
MariannePaul (2:51:07 PM): NYU has pre-med too. Find out where that building is.... marry a proctologist...
milamoon (2:51:40 PM): what is that
MariannePaul (2:51:51 PM): butt doctor
milamoon (2:52:07 PM): ill go find a gyno
MariannePaul (2:53:01 PM): nah... you wouldn't want a husband who was looking at women all day... especially from that angle. Proctologists deal mostly with old people... and more men than women
milamoon (2:53:22 PM): i'm glad you've thought this through
MariannePaul (2:53:38 PM): of course, I'm always thinking of you....
milamoon (2:53:57 PM): <3
milamoon (2:53:59 PM): how lovely
MariannePaul (2:54:42 PM): the time is now... just start sitting up there for 10-15 minutes a day. Eat candy and share... smile pretty...
milamoon (2:55:02 PM): brb
milamoon went away at 2:55:12 PM.
milamoon (4:02:20 PM): hello again
MariannePaul (4:02:29 PM): hello there
MariannePaul (4:03:19 PM): did you go and buy candy to eat outside NYU??
milamoon (4:03:25 PM): no
milamoon (4:03:32 PM): i compiled a list of faculty members
MariannePaul (4:03:59 PM): fine.... you've decide to concentrate on finding yourself a faculty member... this is good...
MariannePaul (4:04:18 PM): look to the psychology department... free meds are good as well
milamoon (4:04:53 PM): hahaha
MariannePaul (4:04:56 PM): you would make an excellent psychiatrist... you grew up in a house for the insane
milamoon (4:05:06 PM): i agree full heartedly
MariannePaul (4:05:21 PM): so.... change your major...
MariannePaul (4:05:33 PM): Sam Paul Ph.D
MariannePaul (4:05:41 PM): Dr. Sam Paul
milamoon (4:05:59 PM): hah, i think at that point i may go by samantha
MariannePaul (4:06:13 PM): I like the Sam
MariannePaul (4:06:21 PM): keeps people guessing
1 empty dream towish me away.

[20 Jun 2006|12:02pm]
i told him he drove too fast.
wish me away.

i am going to die. [13 Jun 2006|03:45pm]
MariannePaul: you really need to go on direct deposit
milamoon: i said duh
milamoon: okay
milamoon: i cant do anything
milamoon: right now
milamoon: so
MariannePaul: duh! duh!
milamoon: shut
milamoon: up
MariannePaul: love you!!!
milamoon: this check isnt
milamoon: the next check wont
milamoon: and the one after that
milamoon: maybe
MariannePaul: yeah, but then in the Fall, they will
milamoon: fine
milamoon: but that doesnt help me now
milamoon: i dont care about fall
milamoon: thanks
MariannePaul: I said I will loan you the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
milamoon: i have enough goddamn loans
milamoon: and this is the worst thing ever "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111"
milamoon: you should be typing in alternate caps and writing "teh" instead of "the"
milamoon: kEwLzzzz
MariannePaul: excuse me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I hit the wrong key!
milamoon: haha
milamoon: !!!!!!!!!!!!!1
MariannePaul: sadkasljdfsa what the hell was that???

milamoon: shut up
milamoon: it's spazz
MariannePaul: you's spazz
milamoon: stop now
MariannePaul: what now
milamoon: you's
milamoon: i can't take it
milamoon: i'm going to go
MariannePaul: where to?????!!
milamoon: nowhere literally
milamoon: but i am ending this conversation
MariannePaul: do you have $$$$ for food???
milamoon: not really
MariannePaul: i don't want you standing in the streets holding a cup
milamoon: haha
milamoon: it worked quite well yesterday
milamoon: except that was for whiskey
MariannePaul: i have an interview at 5. i will be on 20th street.
milamoon: ill be here
MariannePaul: if you want to meet me for $$$$, I'll give it to you.....
MariannePaul: You will probably get your check in the mail today
MariannePaul: i'll give it to you tomorrow with a fast $20 for food
milamoon: ok
MariannePaul: what will you eat today?
milamoon: nothing
MariannePaul: I will bring you potato chips
milamoon: no thank you
MariannePaul: i have them in my drawere
MariannePaul: you will like them
milamoon: i dont want potato chips
milamoon: i ate yogurt and a bagel now kindly leave me alone
MariannePaul: but that is what i have--potato chips
milamoon: i don't want them
MariannePaul: but what abgout dinner
MariannePaul: i have potato chips
milamoon: i have potatos at home
MariannePaul: i have them inn my drawer
milamoon: i don't want potato chips
milamoon: i don't like them
milamoon: they won't make me full
milamoon: they won't provide me with bone building nutrients
MariannePaul: i have many potato chips
milamoon: i don't want your potato chips
MariannePaul: your bones can wait a few days
milamoon: shut up
MariannePaul: i want to share my potato chips
MariannePaul: don't become agitated
MariannePaul: have a potato chip and relax
milamoon: you have gone completely insane
milamoon: i can't have a potato chip
MariannePaul: why not?
milamoon: i am on 12th street
MariannePaul: you can have more than one
milamoon: presumably the potato chips
milamoon: are not
MariannePaul: i deliver
MariannePaul: i have no where to go
MariannePaul: i am all alone..... me and a fat old dog and a skinny stupid cat
milamoon: bye
2 empty dreams towish me away.

[04 May 2006|11:28pm]
so after i decided not to give my fake id to police officers outside of the beer garden which was after someone jerked off next to me on the n train which was after a long day of work, i realized today sucked. then i realized the rest of the week sucked.
damn, that sucks.

but slayer comes tomorrow.
5 empty dreams towish me away.

[10 Apr 2006|10:56am]
10:56 am through clenched teeth.
2 empty dreams towish me away.

[26 Mar 2006|04:06pm]
desperation is doing spanish homework at 7 in the morning with shaking hands as to avoid being raped subconciously by billy corgan and a balding man.
wish me away.

!!! [21 Mar 2006|12:49pm]
An evening of dramatic readings from Voices of a People's History of the United States:

Howard Zinn and Anthony Arnove introduce and narrate an evening of dramatic readings from Voices of a People's History of the United States, Friday, March 24, 6:30 PM, at Cooper Union's Great Hall, 7 East 7th Street, New York, NY. With Kurt Vonnegut, Erin Cherry, Brian Jones, Opal Alladin, Deepa Fernandes, Andre Gregory, Suheir Hammad, Neal Huff, and Brenda Coughlin. Free.

anyone care to join me? anyone, anyone? here's looking at you, miles.
3 empty dreams towish me away.

[17 Mar 2006|01:05am]
and the songs, they remind me of you even when they don't.
and i sign choruses of forgiveness.
but you refrain.

2 empty dreams towish me away.

[14 Mar 2006|03:00am]
since you last heard from the insufferable drunkard, i have moved to astoria where i sit presently. last weekend i went to a crazy and amazing party with 2 of my new roommates. best pick up line ever delivered to me must be noted, "could you come to the bathroom with me and wash the black off my face? i'm on e so it'll feel awesome"

on monday, i saw mogwai. the rest of the week, in addition to work and school, there was anytime, slyfox, botanica, roosevelt island rooftop, climax, fitzgeralds, sly fox again. my cousin was visiting from fla and we spent some quality time and ate some quality food. i worked the armory show all weekend, which was somewhat interesting and profitable. we had a fun party here saturday and i made money tending bar as well. my cousin convinced me to go to florida next week. and the new bartender at fitz's gives me even more free drinks than the last.

and sleep has been scattered and i must try to get some now.

good night. good night. good night.
wish me away.

[26 Feb 2006|12:44pm]
mental breakdown, much?
2 empty dreams towish me away.

[18 Feb 2006|05:57pm]
i fell over a bicycle last night and walked in the wrong direction from monika's without noticing because i'm a moron... i looked up and realized i was on montrose. i, of course, didn't want to walk all the way back and the l wasn't running and it was cold and i just wanted to get on the g train. (which is odd to say) so i waved a cab down and somehow convinced him that i was a battered woman (hey, he said it first... in fact he asked me, are you a battered woman? so, not wanting to disappoint him, i said yes) he tried to take me to a home for abused women fleeing their husbands.

i might move to a collective in astoria... i might move in with tammy uptown... i might move in with ashley? (granted, there are issues with each of these situations)

i haven't written in this for a month. for anyone who cares, basically, i've been working a ridiculous amount and i've cleaned myself up a wee bit because god knows i needed it.
wish me away.

leaving. [10 Jan 2006|02:59pm]
in case i've yet to tell you, the building i've been living in is going to be knocked down so the ceiling doesn't cave and we don't die horrible deaths. i need to leave by march, but should leave by february. so, i believe i will soon settle into a life of couches.
1 empty dream towish me away.

operation: get yo' act together. [04 Jan 2006|09:30am]
it is 9:30 am boys and girls and i am awake for the first time in a long time. it is time to end my five or so month long drinking binge and get down to business. i had reverted back to the young glassy eyed girl with low self esteem that i was in the past for quite a while, and it is time to put down the whiskey and disco fries and pick up those books, put those fingers to the keys, eat mostly oatmeal and get on with it. luckily, this time around, i still managed to get my glowing grades and also to secure a good job that will (hopefully) prove quite helpful in the future. but no more sleeping until 4pm, it is time to be the wired girl you know and love. so here's to trying to go back to the way i was in the not so distant past, but to holding on to bits and pieces of honesty and fun i've let myself have lately. i'm off to dye my hair and join the gym and write not-so-short fiction. (i have some good material that i've compiled in the last few months, if i can manage to piece it all together)... i didn't stay 18 forever and i'm questioning the fact that i ever tried.

p.s. stacey how you put up with me and don't hate me is a wonder.
p.p.s. jersey people please get in touch with me, i would like to see most of you soon.

love always and faithfully,
sam i am and always will be
1 empty dream towish me away.

[26 Dec 2005|10:27pm]

father kicked me out of nj home for no reason whatsoever... there was no drunkenness, craziness, or stupidity involved on my part... just to clarify
i love lauren fletcher.
alexa's parents are amazing.
robbie k is the best.

i just got back to my lonely apartment.
my mother bought me a flask.

and my gpa is 3.95, bah to an a- in literature of social movements.
2 empty dreams towish me away.

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